Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Promo & 1st Chapter Reveal: Alex & Katja - Gordon Hooper


Alex and Katija are quite the pair. Selfish, cruel, greedy, sleazy and violent—why, the negative adjectives could easily fill a small volume of their own. Over the top, always offensive and never politically correct—their sole redeeming quality is, they are not child molesters.
Alex is heir and owner of the Holstein Private Investigation Agency, located in Stockholm, Sweden. While he is the agency’s brains, Katija provides the brawn, as resident henchwoman. Their setup is sweet, with a never-ending supply of clients appearing at their doorstep and asking for help, only to be swindled out of their money, robbed, or beaten, and then sent on their way. Except some who, wrapped in chains, are dumped into the murky waters of nearby Nybro Viken.
Alex and Katija fight the natural as well as the supernatural—the only thing they really dread is the horrors of gainful employment. This threat is ever present as their finances are chronically atrocious, usually due to the black vacuum of the weekend, with all its powders and pills.
Their cases take them across the globe—so beware! There is NOWHERE to hide.
AMAZON US               

Gordon Hooper is the author of “Alex and Katija, High and Mighty.” It was published on Amazon.com, November 6 2012, courtesy of Seattle publisher New Libri Press.
One could tell his life’s story with a poem:
Born by gypsies
Raised by wolves
Schooled by fools
Employed by cretins
Scooped up by Libri
Highly inaccurate and somewhat irrelevant prose, yes yes I know – what are you, my mother?
But when has truth, that dull ignoramus, ever been able to measure up to a well-crafted lie?
Most of his work is created solely to make people laugh, or at the very least smile. He tries to be offensive as often as humanly possible.
When not – then he is most likely being semi-blackmailed by his publisher, who has a hell of a job in keeping us all out of jail and preventing the premises of New Libri Press from being torched.
Contrary to his wishes he currently resides in the depressing little freeze box of Stockholm, Sweden.
He was born on the wrong side of the Iron Curtain in 1977, but was imported to the frigid shores of Sweden at the tender age of two.
He is currently working on the sequel “Alex and Katija, The terrible Two.”
For more warping of morals, bending of truths and breaking of laws – enter the electronic vortex via the portal below.
Alex and Katja is his first published book. You can visit Gordon Hooper’s website at www.gordon-hooper.com.

Alex and Katija
“High and Mighty”

This is the first of many volumes detailing my adventures running the Holstein private investigation agency. Papa founded the firm more than fifty years ago, but had the audacity to die a few years back, and so dumping the agency in my lap. At first I scoffed at the idea of continuing the family business, as the concept of work is diametrically opposed to my philosophy of life. Unfortunately, my inheritance was rather pitiful. Hardly the funds that would allow me to spend the rest of my days in a blissful stupor, surrounded by females of such low character they were legend. No, after a few idyllic years of sweet idleness and debauchery the funds were finally gone. So I had no other choice but to restore papa’s agency to fame and glory. The work being quite dangerous, I recruited a henchwoman – Katija Kalashnikov – Slavic femme fatale extraordinaire. This Russian beauty is as beautiful as she is deadly. She is a bit of a sociopath, but in a fight it never hurts to have a homicidal maniac on your side. We both share in the Buddhist belief that possessions eventually end up owning their owners. This has led to our habit of liberating our clients of their burdensome belongings, free of charge and without bothering them with any tedious details.
We reside in Stockholm, Sweden – Capital of Scandinavia. But our adventures take us all over the world.
Later on we are joined by:
Katija’s little Bolshevik sister – Mira
A psychotic German Sheppard – Stalin
A daemon possessed parrot – Balls (Baal)  
The character sheet has been written by my hillbilly cousin, and I do not agree with what is written about me, but as I tire of this blasted typing it will have to stand.


 Character sheet
Alex
Sex:            Male
Age:            Late twenties
Build:        Medium build/height, slightly taller than Katija
Hair:          Blonde
Eyes:          Blue
Attitude:   Snobby/superior
Looks:       Good looking
Dress:        Usually well dressed
Tags:          None

Background
Alex is your typical kind of drug-crazed antihero, whose cowardice is only matched by his greed. He is the brains behind their partnership, although Katija is technically his employee, they usually share their ill-gotten gains fifty-fifty. Vain, snobby and arrogant his views of reality might differ a bit from that of the unwashed masses. He is unmarried, but as a male chauvinist, hopeless coward, notorious drug fiend and general backstabber, he is quite the catch. The son-in-law of your sweetest dreams, you might say.
Katija
Sex:           Female
Age:           Mid twenties
Build:        “Fitness instructor” fit, but not too much muscle. Average height, good tits
Hair:          Medium/long pageboy, often brightly dyed, blue/pink/purple
Eyes:          Blue
Attitude:   Aggressive/superior
Looks:        Very good looking
Dress:         Casual, shorts/top “Lara croft”
Tags:           Has big tattoo over her coin slot – two AK-47’s with muzzles crossed, creating ablazing inferno that forms the hammer and sickle of the USSR.
                     Top of tattoo shows if she wears shorts
                     Keeps a set of throwing knifes in a leg holder
Background
Katija, Slavic femme fatale extraordinaire, is the firm’s muscle. As a henchwoman she does most of the fighting and bleeding, as Alex prefers discretion before valour. And with such stunning good looks you cannot really expect him to risk facial injury in some drunken brawl, now can you?Katija, as beautiful as she is deadly, is equally into men and women. Like Alex, she never turns down a sticky puff or a line of the white Colombian Gold.
Mira
Sex:            Female
Age:           Eight
Build:        Medium build/height for child
Hair:          Blond
Eyes:          Blue
Attitude:   Intelligent/aggressive
Looks:        Sweet
Dress:         Casual
Tags:           None

Background
If Katija would be described as a Hellcat, then Mira would be a Hellkitten. Trained as a gymnast from an early age, she is immensely strong and agile for a child. Having inherited her mother’s high IQ, she works as the agency’s inventor /engineer, and comes up with all manner of deadly trinkets and gadgets. 

Stalin
Sex:            Male
Age:            Medium for dog
Build:         Heavily muscled
Hair:           Standard for German Sheppard
Eyes:           Brown, black circle over right eye
Attitude:    Psychotic/aggressive
Looks:        Mean
Dress:         None
Tags:           Fake, painted on black circle over right eye, with a drop of paint running down
                      Razor-sharp, titanium teeth
Background
 “Liberated” by Alex and given to Katija for her birthday. This psychotic mutt can only be safely handled by his mistress – as she is the toughest member in the household. Raised by the police and trained as a drug sniffing K9 unit – he was initially quite baffled by his new masters, a pair of crazed dope fiends.
Balls
Sex:             Male
Age:             Medium for parrot
Build:         Medium for parrot
Feathers:   White. Yellow Mohican
Eyes:           No pupil, only deep black
Attitude:    Psychotic/aggressive/sly
Looks:        Alternating mean/cute
Dress:         None
Tags:           No pupil, only deep black, due to daemonic possession
Background
A truly foul fowl. Botching his latest assignment  from Lucifer, and so incurring his wrath , Balls is hiding  out on the mortal plane, in the body of a white parrot. It is unclear if he is friend of foe to the others, as he has made several attempts upon their lives. But due to a blackmailing situation, they maintain a status quo of sorts. 

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3 comments:

  1. Love the sound of this one!

    Thanks for sharing...and for visiting my blog.

    ReplyDelete
  2. this is interesting

    ReplyDelete

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